What to Do When You Are Stuck?

Most of us have felt stuck at one time or another. In medicine, there is no diagnostic code for a mental or physical condition called “Stuck.” But, there should be because being stuck causes much suffering. We know this if we are:

• Stuck in a difficult marriage.

• Stuck in a job we hate.

• Stuck in a worry cycle that we cannot stop.

• Stuck with bad habits we can’t seem to change—smoking, snacking too much, spending hours on Facebook or YouTube, complaining all the time, or spending too much money.

• Stuck in a place full of pain, unable to find the way out.

We want to change, but we cannot find a way to get unstuck.

Chinese Finger Puzzle

My friend, Sheilanne Carlin, recently sent me a poem she had written called Chinese Finger Puzzle. It starts like this.

Pain, grief, anger, fear, anxiety

All tie us up tightly

The ropes of our bondage

Like a Chinese finger puzzle

Struggle more, pull, twist, tug

The higher our bonds seem to become

Seems as if we’ve been finger-napped.

You probably have seen these classic toys. They are hollow tubes usually made of woven straw. When you insert your finger into the open end, it feels nice and cozy—until you try to pull your finger out—and then your finger becomes stuck. The harder you try to remove your finger, the more firmly it is stuck. A few months ago I was a willing victim of a Chinese Finger Trap that I was showing my granddaughter. Even knowing how it works, I inserted my finger and then somehow was surprised, and briefly panicked, that I couldn’t pull it out. 

Sheilanne felt trapped by pain and anxiety. Further on in her poem, she remembers a long-ago experience with her grandfather and the finger toy:

I fought so hard to get that finger puzzle off

Grandpa put his hand over mine-said “Stop-

Don’t pull, push in, take a breath

Slide your hands free.

Sheilanne prayed in anguish about her pain, took a breath, “begged Mr. God to place his hand over mine” in the same way her grandpa had once done, quieted herself, took four breaths, and freed herself. She was no longer stuck.

5 Lessons the Chinese Finger Trap Can Teach Us:

1. It is very easy to get stuck—even a simple toy entices us to insert our finger. We too frequently walk into traps with our eyes wide open, always assuming we know how to get out.

2. The more we fight, pull, and struggle to be free of the problem, the more tightly we will be stuck.

3. The more we relax, quit resisting, and lean into the problem, the more space we will have to find solutions. By doing this in the finger trap, we will find a little wiggle room and be able to twist our finger and slowly pull it out.

4. If our finger is in one end of the trap and another person’s finger is at the other end, neither will get unstuck by pulling and resisting. The more we struggle and pull, the tighter will be our finger noose. But, if both of us cooperate, quiet ourselves, and move our fingers just a little closer to each other in the toy, we will find a little space. We can stay in that position close together to work out a mutual plan or we can slowly and carefully twist our finger to gradually extricate ourselves.

5. Our free hand or the hand of another person can help us get unstuck by steadying the toy from the outside. Sheilanne turned to God for this help. We can also turn to a family member, friend, pastor, or therapist for help.

My trap was my difficult marriage. For years my now deceased husband and I pulled apart from each other in various ways, making the trap tighter and more uncomfortable. Too bad we didn’t take some time to stop, slow down, and move closer to each other—we would have found more space and comfort to deal with our issues. Sheilanne’s trap has been chronic pain, but she has learned that when she stops resisting and lets go of the fear, the pain recedes. To accomplish this, she turns to God and her writing practice. There are many ways to get unstuck. All of them require that we first stop struggling and take a mindful pause to consider a new way. 

When we are stressed and reactive as we struggle with our trap, we will not be thinking clearly. This is because we will be in the fight or flight portion of the stress response and will be concentrating only on our problem, not on a thoughtful solution to it. Many activities will reduce the stress response and, in this way, help us mindfully respond to our predicament. These include breathing exercises, meditation or any quiet prayer, walking, or enjoying nature, pets, music, and any creative activity. These are not quick fixes. But I can tell you with certainty that they will help all of us find more peace of mind and make it easier to get unstuck.

SUGGESTIONS:

1. Ask yourself if you are trapped. If so, is your trap a dysfunctional relationship, a difficult boss, or maybe a lack of motivation? Spend some time thinking, praying, or writing about your situation, what troubles you, and your options. Do you think God ever wants us to be trapped so we will finally slow down and listen to him?

2. Cultivate mindfulness by practicing any of the stress reduction activities I listed above. My on-the-go prayer, which I describe as God-centered mindfulness, has been transformative for me by helping me stay in the moment and out of my too-busy head. I’m certain this has helped me avoid falling into traps and getting out of them more quickly. To learn more, go to my blog about mindfulness.

3. Let me share with you that I am struggling with what may be a trap for me. Social media. I love it, but I also hate it. I first got involved with social media in order to share my Serenity and Health messages and blogs. I enjoyed creating a Facebook group for my book launch team. I’ve made wonderful new friends, especially within other Facebook groups, and been introduced to content and ideas that I would have otherwise missed. But…I am afraid of going in deeper and really getting trapped. As it is, when I open Facebook, my eyes immediately jump to the notification button to see if I received any comments. I admit I sometimes open the app only to check that button. I compare the number of comments others get to what I get. I know this is not healthy. And I don’t think I’m the only one who does this. I ask you to join me in thinking and praying about our use of social media and asking ourselves if we are falling into a trap.

So, I ask you: Where do you feel stuck? How might you think about your situation differently? What would happen if you paused, stopped resisting, or asked for help?

P.S. Thanks to Sheilanne Carlin of St. Petersburg, FL for sharing her poem with us. If you would like to read the entire poem, please let me know and I’ll be happy to send it to you.

P.S. Don’t forget to sign up for my monthly blog or follow me on Facebook or Donna Chacko on Twitter. If my message helps you in any way, please consider sharing it with others. 

Dr. Donna Chacko promotes health of body, mind, and spirit through her website (serenityandhealth.com), her blog, and programs at her church. She is the author of the award-winning book and Amazon best-seller Pilgrimage: A Doctor’s Healing Journey (Luminare Press, 2021). You can read her full bio here.

Related Video

Additional Reading