Healing Through Friendship: The Story of Mrs. Ulysses S. Grant and Mrs. Jefferson Davis

The story of the close friendship of Mrs. Ulysses S. Grant and Mrs. Jefferson Davis is fascinating. Born in Missouri, a border state, Julia Grant married  Ulysses before the Civil War and supported him as his loving wife, friend, and confidant. With her as his closest ally, he advanced in the Army to become General and lead the Union as it fought the bloodiest war in US history, defeating the Confederate Army in 1865. Julia would later become first lady during Grant’s two terms as President of the US (1869-1877).

In 1845 Varina Howell married the much older Senator Jefferson Davis from Mississippi and worked closely with him as his career advanced. As the conflicts between North and South intensified, southern states seceded, the Confederacy was established, and Jefferson Davis became the first President of the Confederacy. Varina was called first lady of the Confederate States of America.

General Grant and President Davis were opponents in a long and personal war that left 620,000 dead in the line of duty— 2% of the population, a percentage that  today would be equivalent to 6 million people. The loss is unfathomable, caused by Americans fighting Americans, with individuals, families, and states forced to chose sides.

Twenty-eight years after the end of the Civil War, in 1893, Julia and Varina met. Both were widows, Julia since 1885 and Varina since 1889. Staying at the same hotel for a West Point event, the friendship began when Julia walked to Varina’s hotel room and knocked at the door. The two women became very close friends and remained so until Julia’s death in 1902. Varina died in 1906.

Much has been written about these two strong, accomplished women and the part they played in our country’s history. But the part I like best about them is their friendship. They had lived the horror of war and wanted to move beyond it to understanding and friendship. In so doing they set a powerful example for their contemporaries and for us.

SUGGESTIONS:

1. Here are more details about their friendship: https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/how-first-ladies-on-opposing-sides-of-the-civil-war-forged-an-unlikely-bond.

2. Slightly off-subject pearl Atleast two of Ulysses S. Grant’s pallbearers at his huge funeral in 1885 were men who had been Generals in the Confederacy during the Civil War, which had ended twenty years earlier. I was moved by the forgiveness and respect that must have been required for this to happen…something to think about.

Blessings to all of you,

Donna

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Dr. Donna Chacko promotes health of body, mind, and spirit through her website (serenityandhealth.com), her blog, her podcast/vlog series, “Engaging with a Messy World” and " “Pop-Up Conversations on Health of Mind, Body, and Spirit,” and programs at her church. She is the author of Pilgrimage: A Doctor’s Healing Journey (Luminare Press, 2021), a recent best-seller on Amazon, 2022 Illumination Awards Gold Medal Winner, 2022 Reader Views Literary Award Gold Medal Winner, and 2022 Catholic Media Association First Place Awards.