The issues that divide us have been nearly talked to death over the last couple of years. We disagree about our current and former presidents and the rightness or wrongness of those who follow them. We disagree about the risk of the Covid virus, the risk of vaccines, and mandates for vaccines. We disagree about how to educate our children about their bodies, sexuality, and LGBT issues. We disagree about many things:  abortion; our history—what happened and who decides how to teach it; racism and whether structural racism exists; immigration; and, even Pope Francis. 

I’ve written about my struggles dealing with so much dissension and my distress when I feel myself judging people whose views differ from mine. I’m also confused when I see good and thoughtful people on the other side, like the two people in my life whom I love and respect—and are unvaccinated.

It appears some people are less troubled by the divisiveness than I am, and I think I’ve figured out why. 

Each of us reacts to the issues and questions of our times based on our personality, circumstances, and life experiences. Based on this widely divergent input, we make up our minds. I’ve observed most of us will fit into one of three patterns, which I call Types. I quickly recognized where I fit, initially being certain my Type was the best Type. The boundaries of the three Types are porous and can be issue dependent. Each Type handles the dissonance of our times in a different fashion. Here are my simple descriptions of the three Types.

Type 1. Don’t Know, Don’t Care.

Type 1s don’t pay attention to the news or to the issues.

• Maybe they don’t care, are not interested, have loosely held opinions, find it all too confusing or too much to bear, or have zero time or energy to think about these things because they are just trying to get by.

• Sometimes when I cannot face any more bad news or harsh words, I feel like a Type 1 and just want to crawl under a blanket and stay there.

Type 2. I’m Right, I’m Sure. 

• All of us are probably Type 2s at least some of the time with some of the issues. And we probably should be.

• The problem is Type 2 thinking can easily devolve into “I’m right, you’re wrong; I’m good, You’re bad; I’m smart, you’re dumb.” Every day we observe the results of this black-and-white judgmental type of thinking.

Type 3. I think I’m Right, but it’s Complicated.

Here are some examples so you know what I mean:

• I came to question my strong support for vaccine mandates by meeting people who had valid concerns about the Covid vaccine and could not get waivers.

• Consider the situation with abortion and President Trump. Some supported him because of his anti-abortion Respect Life stance. Others vehemently opposed him for the many ways they felt he disrespected life, especially the lives of women and those who were vulnerable or marginalized.

• There’s the situation of a committed pacifist, as quoted in an article in America Magazine about the Russian invasion of Ukraine. The author quoted Pastor Nate Pyle: “I want to be a pacifist, but the world makes it difficult. I want to believe in the need for violence in the face of evil, but Jesus makes it difficult.”

• LGBT issues are challenging for many. We know, love, and respect gay people. What are we to think about church policies that cause them pain?

 It’s hard to be a Type 3, which is who I am a great deal of the time. Uncertainty, self-doubts, and confusion are not comfortable. 

We can shift between the Types in various ways, and I think this is a good thing. Even a committed Type 1 may not always be able to avoid the issues—maybe his wife’s family doesn’t believe in vaccines or his best friend’s son announces he is trans. Many circumstances may lead us to emerge from under the Type 1 blanket and study one issue or another. In contrast, we may need to crawl under this blanket to protect ourselves if the news or issues become too much for us to bear. Insights that arise from our prayer time, reading, new friends, or a life crisis can shift our perspective and move us into a different Type. Finding deep abiding moral clarity on an issue may move us between Types.

Each of the three Types can help society move toward civility, respect, listening, and love. Here’s how. Type 1s can pray for all three Types. Type 2s can make a huge difference by articulating their personal views with humility and loving respect—no matter how “sure” they are. Types 3s can encourage dialogue by asking many questions. All of us must practice real listening. It is by knowing where we fit that we can understand how best to contribute to a healthy society.

We need all three Types. No Type is best. Let each of us do our best.

SUGGESTIONS:

1. Listen to this 18-minute Ted Talk by Monica Guzman called “How Curiosity Will Save Us.” Guzman believes curiosity is the most powerful tool we have to navigate our dangerously divided world. You can feel her passion.

2. Learn about and consider joining “Braver Angels”, a nonprofit founded to “bring Americans together to bridge the partisan divide and strengthen our democratic republic.” I just discovered it and signed up. It is VERY cool. For example, you can participate in “1:1 Conversations” or join a red/blue pairing or start a local chapter. Years ago I heard cofounder Bill Doherty speak and was very impressed. 

3. Benjamin Franklin has a lot to teach us about civility and open-mindedness—he came to his anti-slavery view quite late in life.

3. I really believe this: “You and I Can Heal Our Nation.” Check it out for ideas and sources.

Dr. Donna Chacko promotes health of body, mind, and spirit through her website (serenityandhealth.com), her blog, and programs at her church. She is the author of the award-winning book and Amazon best-seller Pilgrimage: A Doctor’s Healing Journey (Luminare Press, 2021). You can read her full bio here.

Donna also offers a limited video series, “Pop-Up Conversations on Health of Mind, Body, and Spirit,” in which she interviews special guests on a range of topics related to mind-body-spirit balance and faith.