Book Share: The Gift of Being Yourself
The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery by David Benner
Thomas Merton answered this sacred call to self-discovery and said: “There is only one problem on which all my existence, my peace, and my happiness depend….” *
What is Merton talking about? Dr. David Benner’s The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery is a powerful little book that explains the answer.
Reading this book thrilled me. The author is a psychologist whose life’s work has revolved around psychology and spirituality. It’s a joy to discover an author who can weave words through the rich tapestry of faith and psychology in a way that is both beautiful and understandable.
“We do not find our true self by seeking it.
Rather, we find it by seeking God.” - David Benner
In my personal and professional life, I learned that emotional health and spiritual health were often deeply connected. For example, the insecure woman seeking the world’s approval and the angry man with the short fuse are not happy, not emotionally balanced, and are frequently not resting in peace with the Lord.
Here is the key—if we find our true self, we will find God. But, as Benner says, “We do not find our true self by seeking it. Rather, we find it by seeking God.” When we do find our true self, we will find our authentic self who is happier and more at peace.
We do this by surrendering our false self, which is described by Thomas Keating in Open Mind, Open Heart as the “idealized image of ourselves, developed from early childhood to cope with emotional trauma due to the frustration of our instinctual needs for survival/security, affection/esteem, power/control.” The false self is like a mask we covet and always wear to present ourselves to the world in a way we unconsciously think will best fill our needs. Not only does this mask become increasingly uncomfortable, it is also not easy to take off.
Becoming Your True Self
Prayer, especially meditative prayer like Centering Prayer, and intentional efforts to gain emotional health and psychological awareness are the tools that help us remove our masks. This very gradual process will lead to better emotional and spiritual health and—in my opinion—better physical health as well. Being true to yourself is less stressful—and less stress means better health. Being true to yourself and at peace with God also makes you more resilient and better able to cope with any illness that may befall you.
The “how-to” section of Benner’s book is Chapter 6, Becoming Your True Self. Here he says: “God’s will for us is that we live out the harmonious expression of our gifts, temperament, passions and vocation in truthful dependence on God. Nothing less than this is worthy of being called our true self. Nothing less than this will lead to our deepest fulfillment. And nothing less than this will allow us to show the face of Christ to the world that we have been called from eternity to show.” He adds: “Paradoxically, our fulfillment lies in the death of our own agendas of fulfillment. It also lies in the crucifixion of all our ego-centered ways of living apart from complete surrender to God.” The author explains how becoming yourself is a process that requires time, for example, time for meditative prayer, sacred solitude, or reading. You might also benefit from spiritual groups, spiritual direction, or psychotherapy.
I love books that explore the relationship between psychology and spirituality. This interest began in the 80’s when I read the classic The Road Less Travelled by psychiatrist Dr. Scott Peck. This book greatly influenced me and remains the only book I have ever read four times. My first Book Share selection was Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, authored by an evangelic minister from the Bronx by the name of Pete Scazerro. I strongly recommend all these books, anything written by Thomas Merton, and, of course, The Gift of Being Yourself. Here is the full Merton quote that I introduced in the beginning:
*There is only one problem on which all my existence,
My peace, and my happiness depend….
To discover myself in discovering God.
If I find Him I will find myself
And if I find my true self I will find Him.
(from New Seeds of Contemplation)
SUGGESTIONS:
1. Have you heard the advice, “If you want to see a change, you have to make a change?” It applies even in the midst of a pandemic— even though we’ve lost control of many things, we still control our attitude and ability to work on ourselves. If you feel restless, lousy, stressed, or unhappy with your relationships, start with one small new and different step that you commit to every day. Ask God to help you choose that step.
2. Dedicate time to self-discovery. Can you get up 10-15 minutes earlier each day just for this purpose? For sacred silence, journaling, or prayer?
3. Read one of the books I mentioned in this blog.
Know that I am 100% convinced that these types of small steps make very big differences over time—you WILL find more serenity, health, and closeness to God. Please share with me and the other readers what you think of blog. Does it call you to learn and do more or does it seem too up in the clouds for you? I’d love to know. You can comment here or on Facebook or Twitter.
God bless all of you.
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Dr. Donna Chacko promotes health of body, mind, and spirit through her website (serenityandhealth.com), her blog, and programs at her church. She is the author of the award-winning book and Amazon best-seller Pilgrimage: A Doctor’s Healing Journey (Luminare Press, 2021). You can read her full bio here.